Y’all. Please. I used to be so cute when I woke up. Bounced out of bed with nary a care, threw my hair in a clip and the only make up I needed was a smile. Adorbs, I tell you!! Now, not only does it take me from bed to kitchen to stand completely upright – the mysterious old lady pains in my hip (YES, HIP) and shoulder (WHY???) that I feel for NO REASON are not nearly as painful as my arch enemy ‘The Mirror’. That b*tch loves to point out my lack of eyebrows (except my gray or steel wool ones) … the sagging lids (like 80 year old boobs hanging from my sparse browage) … huge puffy Louie Vuittons under my eyes (think steamer trunks not small cross body) … thinning hair (is that actually my scalp?) … chins (PLURAL) … whiskers (fun to say, not to see) … wiggy waggy neck skin (looks like a vagina) … the sweats (when all I’m doing is sitting…SITTING) … explained weight gain (okay, that one’s on me) … and all the brown age spots. I see you late 40s 👀.

Albeit blurry without my new bifocals 🙄
Slow your roll.
Slow. Your. Roll. 🤬🤬🤬