I’ll Miss You Most of All…

My Dear Sweet Waist,

Old friend, some letters are harder to write than others. This one fills me with sadness but I’m comforted knowing we had a good, albeit short, run. I miss you more than you can imagine and am flooded with memories of all our special times together. Now that you are gone I pray we’ll reconnect, but understand if we don’t. 

Do you remember that bikini I wore 12 years ago on the cruise? And the trip to Cabo we took later that summer? We both got so many compliments. How proud I was of you with the sleek lines…the definition. We had both worked so hard so you would finally have your chance to shine. It was your turn, my friend, and I’m thankful you had that spotlight…although fleeting. What about all those nights when I needed to roll over and it was effortless? Effortless. You gracefully moved wherever you went. Many of my favorite memories of you aren’t even big events – just the way you would let my shorts hang right below you – so comfortable. The way you allowed Belly Button to be smooth and simple. And bending… If I had to bend over to pick something up, you never – NEVER – got in the way. Sigh. You were always a giver, my friend. You were always letting someone else have their day in the sun…like Ribs. When she finally debuted in the cropped shirt I was much too old to wear – you said nothing. You knew how good it made her feel so you stayed quiet.

And I took you for granted. Oh how I took you for granted. I see that now. I really do.

Poor Exercise tried hard to get us back together so many times. SO many times. But Exercise and I just never could get along…could never see eye to eye. She always left me an exhausted angry sweaty mess. That can’t be healthy? Right?

Yes, I’ve tried several other ways to get you back and failed. Queso and Margarita always seemed to get in the way. But it was never because I loved them more. Well… that’s a lie. I did in the moment and I’m so sorry if that hurt you. If there was anything I could do to get you back I wish I could say I’d do it – but we both know I won’t. We’ve both seen failure after failure that just matriculates into an unhealthy dose of self loathing on my part – which isn’t good for either of us. At least we can be honest about that? 

You know….it’s funny. Once Gall Bladder had to be forcibly removed this year (and don’t get me started on the shit he tried to stir up…we both know it wasn’t good for anybody to have him here anymore) I really did think that you might come back. Foolish on my part. I get it. Clearly the damage was done and I see that now. 

Please know this. Even if we never see each other again, and honestly, we probably won’t, I will always love you. In fact, just as Dorothy told Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, “I’ll miss you most of all.” And I will. So take care of yourself and take comfort that at least you’ll never have to do a core workout again. Because let’s face it – that’s really the only time we fought.

Please be at peace.
Love you more than carbs and Chardonnay!
(Actually – clearly I don’t. I’m a horrible person. You deserve better! So so sorry!!)


PS: If you see Young Tush though, steer clear. I know you guys were friends but it was really shitty the way he backed out of here literally overnight leaving a disaster in his absence. What an asshole. So not cool. But that’s another letter for another day. xoxo

16 Comments on “I’ll Miss You Most of All…

  1. I have named my menopause belly Gertrude pronouns she, her, hers but sometimes they, them, theirs because she/they have a lot in common with Barry the beer gut on men. She is that awkward friend you can’t get rid of at the end of the Christmas party. Gertie likes fries, She also likes ice cream and wine …. lots if wine.

    Liked by 1 person

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